I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of burnt out on politics this week. So, I thought we could chat about something else today. Please, do pardon the digression.
I think by now, most of us have seen about every meme created aiming to capture the insanity of parenting during a pandemic. It seems that every parent, regardless of the stage of their child’s development, is simply feeling overwhelmed. I mean, in a lot of ways it really sucks.
The other night, I had some socially distanced (for the love of Pete when will we be able to stop specifying that?) beers with a couple of fellow young dads – and two of my best friends. These are guys who perform at a high level in truly demanding fields. They are also deeply committed fathers. And the one striking commonality is just how drained we all feel.
There’s this constancy to the burden of COVID. Living in an Ohio county that is still under relatively broad restrictions, we are all working from home. And while, yes, that has given us a significantly different sense of freedom over the past six months, there’s also a relentless drum of activity. And that drumming is taking its toll.
Back in March, when we were all of the mindset that we would be “past this thing” by June, I believe we all over-corrected with a frenetic level of bustle. We tried to set up virtual happy hours, build out family activities for every minute of the day, and maintain a full workload. But what did that get us?
One of my buddies, sharing how he has recently cut back alcohol consumption to pre-COVID levels and begun running again, described how leaning in to busy-ness so much absolutely destroyed his ability to focus on himself and his health. And regardless of the excess of energy we may have felt at the beginning of all of this, we sold ourselves short by not grabbing hold of the real value of this pandemic – the ability to pause, to rest.
In the world of music, most folks focus on the notes, melodies, rhythms that they hear. But for the longest time, I’ve agreed with some musicians that the most valuable piece of any performance is the rest. The musical notation for a pause in activity. A properly placed rest sets the boundaries of all those notes, melodies and rhythms. In our own lives, those properly placed rests, those boundaries, create space for us to breathe, grow, thrive.
I personally think this new normal will be with us for quite a while longer. The trends are clear that those who can work from home will be working from home for the foreseeable future. Finding balance between workload and family life will be a constant struggle. Don’t be afraid to take a strategic pause. Work with your partner or your support structure to find time to re-invest in yourself. That’s why I started sharing this blog. Putting my thoughts down for you each week helps me put order to the chaotic thoughts happening about all those burdens. As a side benefit, it helps me expend some of that excess energy that comes in waves these days.
And dudes – this message is for you. It’s freaking ok to not be ok still. I’m not accusing you of being fearful of the virus – that’d be pretty chickenshit of me. What I am saying is that we tend to carry our own struggles quietly. They chip away at us gradually. But their incessant pulse can have a tremendously damaging effect if those struggles aren’t addressed. You want to be the best father you can be right now? Take a break. Get to the gym (with a damn mask bro). Dig into your hobbies (I’m afraid to admit how many Lego sets I’ve purchased). And start sharing your own struggles. Your fellow dude-dads could use the reminder that they’re not in this alone.
Since I started this blog, I’ve noticed a substantial shift in my mindset. What works for me though, won’t work for you. But you know there is something that will bring that strategic pause back into your COVID routine. I’d ask, if you’re willing, to take a moment and comment on this post with what’s working for you. You never know who it could help.
P.S.
Yep. There’s a postscript to this post. I’m not the most active on social media. Most social platforms tend to stress me out, but I’m trying to expand my horizons and fight back with some positivity. About a decade late, I’m joining Instagram, with the goal of linking this site to my personal and professional life equally. Do you have any recommendations on good accounts to follow? If so, comment below, then consider adding me: @luke_crumley
Part of the Possible 