Let me tell you about Sue

Much of what it takes to be a successful advocate is learning just how to reassess and move to the next mission when your efforts come to a halt. That’s probably also the most frustrating lesson to learn. And I have to talk about it a lot.

In fact, I have a case study in advocacy greatness I share when I train prospective advocates. I have a slide in my presentation deck that just says: “Let me tell you about Sue.”

Sue was an 80-something Navy widow who I met within my first few weeks as a brand new congressional casework staffer. I was fresh off active duty and acclimating myself to an entirely different world. It was a crash course in professional development and administrative law. And in the middle of drinking from the fire hose, this Irish spitfire of a woman called the office to tell me a joke.

It wasn’t just any joke. It was a dirty joke. Needless to say, this wasn’t what I was expecting.

I’m not going to tell you all of Sue’s story here. But I’ll say this: she’d been in battle over her late husband’s military record for decades. Understandably, she was more than her fair share of frustrated by the time we met.

So why did she take the time to tell me a dirty joke?

Those of us from the Naval services have a special affinity for each other. Sure, we have our points of friction – but our shared traditions give us common ground. And we learn very quickly to set aside all the other identities that define us and see each other as “soldiers of the sea.” For better or worse, part of that identity is a touch of dark humor.

Sue knew that because she’d been living the Navy life for more than 50 years. Even after her husband’s all-too-early passing, she stayed close to “the family,” finding ways to support the next generations of Sailors and Marines in her community. So she knew that leveraging her wit would be a pretty sure fire way to make an inroad with the new guy handling her case.

Too many would see that as a waste of time. But in that moment, Sue was teaching me one of the most important lessons I’ll have ever learned in advocacy: without winning the people, you can never count on winning the fight.

Sue was showing me through her actions just how important it was to keep the people ahead of the process. After all, by the time I’d come along she’d dealt with more than a dozen different congressional staffers over more than a quarter century. Despite their efforts, we as a “team” weren’t any closer to cracking the code and resolving her issue.

After hearing her Irish brogue (music to my Celtic ears) rattle off that inappropriate quip I knew one thing: I wasn’t going to let her down.

I worked with Sue for a few years thereafter. We were ultimately successful and found the evidence necessary to reopen her case and win. Six months after we won that case her granddaughter came by to see me. She was there to tell me that Sue had just passed – finally able to rest after her long fight.

When I think back to all that I worked on during my time as a Congressional staffer, Sue’s case is still near the top of the list. She doesn’t rank there just because of the win (though that feather in my cap doesn’t hurt).

No, Sue sits high on my list because of the lesson I’ll never forget: politics can be an ugly business – but investing in relationships can bolster you, carry you, and ultimately deliver you to a win. It’s not easy. But it’s right. And after all, nothing worth having in this life comes easy.