I can’t tell you the number of times I spent as a congressional staffer being ‘talked at.’
In nearly a decade, I could probably count on one hand the number of organizations or individuals who really stood out as advocates. But one thing they almost all shared in common?
They were less interested in lecturing me, and more interested in guiding me.
It’s an important difference. The work of advocacy is about winning real people to act in the interest of difficult causes. It’s more than educating – it’s inviting people along for the crusade. But not everyone does it well.
For the longest time I struggled to really capture what set apart the good from the bad and the ugly in this work. But really, it’s quite simple. The really good players are different because they don’t want to win, they want to stay curious.
Every advocacy cause has its goals. There are tangible achievements we pursue. We seek out champions to take an idea and turn it into a law. We want to win new advocates to our team. We want to raise money to support candidates who lead on our priorities. But the intangible part is almost always where the real work happens. That’s because it’s all the stuff that happens on the way to getting folks to those tangible results.
It’s the change in the timbre of your dialogue. It’s getting invited to be part of an advisory panel. It’s getting folks to stop saying no and start thinking ‘maybe.’ But that’s so difficult to measure! And nowadays, if you can’t measure it, did it really happen?
In the last few weeks, I’ve written less and reflected more. I’ve wanted to re-think how I’m presenting the complexities of politics – both here and in my live trainings. And the more I think on it, the more I feel reaffirmed that folks are hungry for the basic things they can do to be just a little bit better. And by better I mean two things: 1) more effective; and 2) more resilient.
So how does one be both more effective, and more resilient when they’re trying to be remembered by a decision maker? I think it boils down to one counterintuitive skillset: asking questions.
Normally, asking questions is pretty natural. But not in advocacy. Why? Well, because we so often think we have to “win” folks to our cause. How do we do that? The common answer would be persuasion and expertise. And when one thinks persuasion and expertise, rarely do we associate that with asking questions.
But I’m here to say that curiosity will get you further.
When I think about those truly successful advocates over the years, the way they guided me was not what most would expect. It wasn’t a forceful push on an issue, it was a gentle nudge. They were building credibility through curiosity. Curiosity about my boss and his opinion on challenging topics. Curiosity about common ground. And curiosity about what mattered to us as staffers.
All of those layers of curiosity were built into their advocacy program. The professionals and the volunteers alike knew they had to prioritize relationship building. The really good ones knew they could do that by asking more questions and presenting fewer answers.
Ask meaningful questions. Not with the intention to trap someone – but with the motivation to learn about and from them. They’ll reveal more than you could possible imagine.
It doesn’t seem like it fits in modern politics. With all of our division and hyper-partisanship, is there really room for curiosity anymore? I think there is. More importantly, I think it’s on each of us to create even more space for it.
If you’re up for the task – and you want to gain more credibility with decision-makers – try this one trick to be really unforgettable: ask questions. Not with the intent to persuade. But with the intent to learn and evolve how you interact with those you aim to win over.
Part of the Possible 