Every Advocate Should Ask This One Rude Question

“They weren’t anything like I expected!”

This has to be a sentiment I hear nearly every time I accompany new advocates during their first swing at lobbying meetings. Nearly every time I’m in that position, I hear folks spanning the political spectrum coming to the same conclusion: that legislator they’d written off had found a way to surprise them.

I started reflecting on that this week as someone shared a third hand story of a friend going through a similar evolution. They’d met with a member of Congress and – much to their surprise – the devil they thought they knew failed to manifest in the room. Instead, they walked away from a good meeting scratching their heads. In the course of a discussion, the member of Congress in question “wasn’t that bad.”

What a standard, eh? Not “that bad.” I think meteorologists and lawyers may be the only other professionals who can challenge such a low bar to shock and awe their clientele. Hide the pitch forks, this guy wasn’t a monster, so we can work with him.

But here I am now – rather late at night – scratching my head. Because there’s more to the story. This particular advocate went on to express to their friend another common sentiment when they stated, with a great deal of pride, that they “hadn’t even lost their cool” with that particular congressman.

I’m sorry, what? You’re proud you weren’t a jerk to a public servant? As the kids say, yikes. This person should be looking themselves in the mirror and asking: “am I the asshole?” In fact, we all should. Yes, I’m quite sure of it. Every advocate should pause and ask themselves: “am I the asshole?”

One of the reasons I go on and on about planning and practicing your meetings is because, unfortunately, this particular advocate isn’t unique. In fact, I’d say they are fairly common. After so many years of sitting down with constituents on behalf of an elected official I can tell you a lot of folks take pride in the wrong accomplishments in this game. They focus on winning an argument or forcing a “gotcha” moment.

But if we want our issues to be taken seriously by decision-makers, we have to take ourselves seriously too. Advocacy meetings aren’t about proving you’re right and the other side is wrong, they are fundamentally about humanizing complex issues. That’s the bulk of what I do as a lobbyist. I try to help folks connect the dots between complex policy concepts and the very real people who will be impacted by a policy’s adoption. I help humanize it.

Yet when dealing with new-ish volunteer advocates, I often find myself spending a great deal of time simply helping them to realize their target is also human – just as human as they are! Members of Congress, governors, city council members – they’re all just people. But the way we talk about “the other side” usually sets us up for failure.

You see, that friend-of-a-friend was caught in the same trap we all are from time to time. The rhetoric she consumes back home didn’t track with the experience she gained in the room. She walked away questioning (if only for a moment) whether she really knew all that she needed to know about her member of Congress. And you know what, that’s a good thing. In fact, it’s the part of this fractious, slow-grind of a governmental system we have that I may like the most.

I believe the more you deal with the big issues, on a larger stage, the more often you’ll take a step back and think about your own opinions. The flip side of that, though, is where danger lies. Because the less often you dive into complex issues, the less often you engage in a broad exchange of ideas, the less reflective you will be.

The vast majority of people I know in politics don’t get their blood boiling every night watching the talking heads on cable news. Hell, they likely aren’t even watching cable news. Because all day, they’re seeing these issues in broader contexts. Our blood pressure isn’t rising because our ideas get pressure tested nearly every day.

And it’s good for us.

But it’s even better for volunteer advocates. I think the biggest growth curve you’ll face as an advocate is when a mission to DC puts your localized experience into a much broader context. Just as humanizing a complex issues builds support for our causes, contextualizing those issues in the broader political debate gives us pause and perspective. And it may just help us buckle down for the long haul effort ahead.

That’s important. Because you have to keep showing up for every bit of that long haul. And if we’re going to successfully elevate our issues, we’re going to have to raise the bar for ourselves along the way. We’re going to have to accept a new standard for our own conduct well above the bare minimum.

“Not losing your cool” just won’t be good enough the more you dig into this work. You’ll even find yourself – maybe, just maybe – liking some people from the other party (gasp!). And along the way, you’ll probably start to like being at the table with them.